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And Nobody Ever Came

Mr. Mason informed me of the linguistic conundrum brought to your attention earlier, and I give you these initial findings: You have forgotten the letter G, but retained knowledge of its representative sound. You have forgotten the orthography of the letter F. Further, you have also lost the native-sensibility of pronunciation, giving no notice to the existence of superfluous Es in your surname. Ignoring the possibility of any other, unrecorded incidents of confusion with the modern English alphabet, an 11.53% possibility of error in all things regarding English language literacy. This has occurred within solely the past semester. I prospect you shall become completely illiterate by the end of the next 3-4 years.


I love the people around me. But, to explicate: I once tried to pronounce 'gee-ess-you', our student union, but could not make any sound for gee besides guh; on Kate's birthday cake, I was cursive lettering 'funfetti chasm' but I forgot how to make a lowercase, cursive eff; and finally, my student id has said 'Kirsten L. Crookes' for over a year (I replaced it last spring), and I didn't notice until last week. It is very true that I will eventually become entirely illiterate.

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