Hip and Homeless (manimalogy) wrote,
Hip and Homeless

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Kirsten Waxes Philosophic

Florida was one of the best times of my life. I'm going to miss all of the girls, even though I don't really know any of them. And I'm sorry for that. Sorry that I didn't devote enough of my time into truly belonging in Villa. But I'm not sorry that instead of knowing Villa, I came to know Carri and Audrey like I do. I love Carri, even though she's loud and obnoxious. Even though she's so emotional that it makes me feel inadequate. Perhaps, that's exactly why I love her. She knows me better than I know myself, and I can't even put into words how much I feel for Carri. I love Audrey, even though she's the most selfish person I've ever met. Even though she can't manage to have a boyfriend and two best friends at the same time. I love Audrey because she makes me laugh, and she understands me. I'm so glad that I spent the last four years of my life with them, and even if after this summer we lose touch and this closeness, I'll never be sad thinking of these times. These times when we just drove around, smoking fags with the music too loud. With Audrey and Carri screaming the words for everyone to hear because they were never ashamed to be noticed, to be seen and thought odd. When we sat in Audrey's backyard getting high and singing softly to ourselves acapella. Camping in Audrey's driveway eating much more than is humanly possible. Sitting in the dark watching scary movies and saying the stupidest things the earth has ever heard muttered into her atmosphere, not realizing our own youth and foolishness. Laying out in the yard staring at the stars and bearing our souls to each other because we were never ashamed of who we were to each other. Despite the ache I feel in my chest around classmates because I don't have the bond they have with the girls around us, my heart is overflowing with joy at the thought of my friendship with Carri and Audrey. I know that no one can possibly have the same bond that we have, and that makes me feel odd in the best way. Audrey and Carri make me feel different; make me feel that way in a sense that I never that possible. Our friendship makes me special, which I never thought was possible. Because there are only types of people and no one is truly unique. But with them, I can see that I was wrong. I rejoice in my heart for the last four years and for all the time to come with them. I rejoice I know who I know and how I know them. I rejoice and with tears in my mind if not in my eyes I lok forward to the life that is to come. But for now, the present and the knowledge of the past sate my heart and the uneasiness in my chest at the prospect of tomorrow. I thank everyone I know for being themselves and for affecting me and making me who I am today.

That's the end of my waxing philosophic. I'm not quite sure where it came from, but I feel better having written it.
Tags: feelings, personal

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